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Breath in Passing

by Toluca Lake

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1.
Monarch 03:55
I spent a summer getting worse. I held my mind in my hands, and watched it collapse into the dirt. I expected this to burn, but the light's been getting in the way of my ability to learn to take things slowly. Did you even see the change in the weather? Did you notice it did not get better for me? I wish I took away any opportunity for you to end up six feet deep. And I know that everything will evaporate ("bitter's no excuse to get better, I'm not better"), but you seemed like a constant that didn't want to waste away (better's no excuse to be bitter -- you're not better). I have done nothing but let you down. Did you even see the change in the weather? Did you notice it did not get better for me? I wish I took away any opportunity for you to end up six feet deep. I've been having the same dream where I hear you crying out, and I wade through these rooms to see if you can see me now. There's no good resolution. I can't escape the sound when they said to me that you're not home, and you won't be around. Had you seen the weather change (we failed too soon)? The air, it felt warmer, but the sun still felt stained to me. I got a chill and felt myself freezing (we failed too soon) when they lowered you down; still and not breathing. You're gone.
2.
Candle Wax 03:30
I'll keep this short and sweet; just like you used to be. You last wrote to me, "You have a lot to live for. You are not your past, and you can always count on that. I know things can be hard but you'll still get far; don't believe in destiny. If you ever need anything, you still have my number and you know where you can find me." I couldn't respond. The first time I cried since I was a teen was at your wake. Not just because it made it real, but because I could see you on everyone's face. I have never seen so many people in one place so devastated. Seeing my best friends cry... it felt like I was outside my own body for the first time in my whole life. I know things can be hard but I'll still try to get far. I won't believe in destiny. I never needed anything but someone to hear me, so thank you. I left my mind buried underneath the snow. You were a quiet fire, and it was a cold year.
3.
Motif 04:00
I remember the way all the lines on your face lit up when you saw I was coming back, and I can still see the days that we wasted away on your smile fade when you saw that I had left. I keep splitting my skull to try and sort between fiction and fact. I kept the thought in the way; hope you know I'd give my life for you to have yours back. I don't want you to say that you're leaving me now. I don't think I can take another light going out. I don't want you to say that you're leaving. I'm on the edge again to come to terms with the lack of facts. I was afraid when I left you all alone, but I can see you staring back. There's life in death, and breath in passing. You round the knife edge that I've been grasping at. I wish that you'd come back. I don't want you to say that you're leaving me now. I don't think I can take another light going out, and it gets hard to say what I've been missing. I can't see a past without you, and I just can't erase all the setbacks. I need something to believe; some way to bloom. Saw you in my dream last night and you said, "You remind me of myself at my worst right now. You can't see the forest for the flora you've been cutting down. I'm gone but I know you have what you need, so be strong for me?" I can be strong. I can be strong... yeah, I can be strong.
4.
Emerald 04:42
A second summer's pulling forward to a calming breeze. I wanna set your mind at ease. You've given me all I have again and again. Another shot at writing words to reminisce; hoping this time I don't miss. You'll always be all I want, again and again. You are the leaves in blooming trees, a shelter from all the heat; a collection of poetry. You are the summer's strongest green. You are the leaves in blooming trees, another chance at life for me; a collection of poetry. You are the summer's strongest green. I'm coming home to our apartment with enough to live, "Vacation" playing in my ears. You've given me all I need, again and again. You are the leaves in blooming trees, a shelter from all the heat; a collection of poetry. You are the summer's strongest green. You are the leaves in blooming trees, another chance at life for me; a collection of poetry. You are the summer's strongest green. You are the summer's strongest green. Another chance at life for me. Take my weary mind and please, tell me I am all you need.

about

A record touching on loss of life, grief, acceptance, and picking up the pieces.

credits

released July 12, 2018

Produced, Recorded, Mixed by Mike Jannino at Dream Drop Media
Mastered by Kris Crummett at Interlace Audio
Drum Engineering/Recording: James Corbett at The Bridge Sound & Stage
Additional Engineering/Production: Riley Serino

All songs written by Toluca Lake

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Toluca Lake Lowell, Massachusetts

Boston, MA nb fronted 3 piece

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